4. One Thing: Calling

Thirty hours of traveling did not stop me from being wide eyed and face glued to the window of the taxi as my family drove from the airport to our hotel. I feel exhausted but wide awake as I try to take in all the sights, smells, and sounds of this new place, worlds away, it seems, from America. Even late at night the city was alive. Animals roamed the streets: cows, chickens, dogs, and cats. The roads were busy, filled with cars, bikes, taxis, and buses. And – loud! Honking seemed to be the constant rule, not the exception on these streets. My new home: at least for a time.

*

My sister smacks the coconut with her wooden panel and races across the roof, intent on scoring. My sister and I, determined to beat our youngest sister, run after her, jockeying for position. 

“Go, go, go!” shouts our P.E. teacher, also known as my Dad. “Next point wins!” My youngest sister shoots – she scores! 

“Game over!” My dad shouts. “Back downstairs to your mother.” 

We leave our wooden slabs of “hockey sticks” and our coconut “puck” on the roof and file down the stairs to our teacher, also known as our multitalented Mom. Fifth grade is fun with Mom.

  ***

 Growing up, I was deeply influenced by my parents' concern for people who experienced injustice and their desire to help those who were vulnerable or oppressed. Seeing their commitment, which even prompted our family to move abroad, was inspiring. I remember wondering what I could do to help. Even as a child, I began praying for people who were suffering from injustice and asking God how He might use my life to make a difference.

***

I ran out of our fourth-story apartment and walked quickly up the short staircase to the roof, plugging in my earphones to my iPod. I sighed and looked up at the stars: the ones I could see through the heavy pollution. I scrolled to Laura Story on my iPod and played the familiar “Indescribable”: “Indescribable, uncontainable, You put the stars in the sky and You know them by name… You are amazing, God! All powerful, untamable, awestruck, we fall to our knees as we humbly proclaim, You are amazing, God.” I sang in my heart to God as I listened to the words, lifting my cares and worries to Him. Peace and joy filled my heart, as it consistently does when I worship God. I’m so lonely. I tell the Lord. I miss home. Please help me. I opened the Bible that I had brought with me, flipped to Isaiah 40, and started to read,

“Why do you complain, Jacob? Why do you say, Israel, ‘My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God?’ Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” I sigh again, greatly comforted. Thank You, Lord, for Your Word!

***

What I learned growing up overseas greatly impacted the way I viewed my life and the world. I knew in a deeper way how privileged I was and how great the suffering is for so many. Where was God's face in issues like this?

I saw God’s face in the face of my Dad and Mom as they tirelessly worked to fight great injustices. I saw God’s face in the members of our church and their kindness and joy. I saw God’s face in my friends through their kindness and love during all our times together. I saw God’s face in my sisters through our fairly constant laughter and teasing.

I also saw God’s face through the pages of the Bible. My loneliness during my time abroad pushed me to spend more time with God in prayer and in His Word. I grew to love the Bible and cling to its words for strength, hope, joy, and peace in the midst of the challenges of living abroad. I continued to be more and more amazed at God’s great love as shown in His Son, Jesus Christ, towards all people on the cross. I grew in my understanding of the riches Christians have in Christ: eternal life, peace, joy, comfort, and, most importantly, the opportunity to have a relationship with God Himself. 

As I grew in my faith, I also grew in my desire to want to share my faith with others who did not know God. I grew in sadness, knowing that so many people around the world had never heard the good news about Jesus and God’s great love for each of us. I continued to pray – Lord, would you send me back here one day to serve and share about You?

***

“When God says no, it is because He has something better in mind.” -my Dad 

Following college, this childhood dream became an impossibility due to my health. Initially I found it devastating that my health stopped me from serving God overseas. My dream that I had had since I was eleven years old had been shattered. Slowly, I began to see that God's plan for my life was better than my own. I decided to pursue teaching in the United States instead. I had always loved working with people, and I was particularly interested in working with high school students. My Mom told me about a Christian school that I possibly could teach at. I reached out to the school, and they had a position open for teaching high school math.

I was so excited about the opportunity but also apprehensive… would I get the job? Was this from the Lord? I wanted to work with high school students… but math?! That might be a stretch. Within a few days, I got the job. I was amazed at the goodness of God. God had answered my prayer, and I was about to start what I now was considering my dream job for many reasons. Maybe my Dad really was right… when God says no, it is because He has something better in mind! I just had to relearn high school math…! 

***

“You doin’ too much,” the student grumbled as I redirected her to continue her math assignment. I stifled back laughter as I turned away, used to the consistent refrain from my students that I “do too much” or “you irritatin’.” Gotta have a sense of humor…

“Ok, everyone listen up! Later this week I arranged for a famous rap star to come visit our class!”

Confused expressions stared at me from around the room.

“Huh?”

“Who is it?”

“Are they actually famous?”

“Is this actually just going to be the principal?”

“No,” I assured them, “this really is a famous artist. I’ll get you some free tickets! Now, back to our warm up…”

​

                                        ***

The day of the concert had finally arrived. Students were apprehensive and very skeptical.

“Who really is it?”

“You’ll see! They will call me when they arrive.” Shortly after, my phone “went off.” I picked it up.

“Hello? Oh! You’re here to perform for the students! Great, I will let you in. Okay, everyone, I will be right back! The famous music artist is here.”

I ran out and dashed to where my costume was hidden: a baseball cap and a jean jacket. I slipped the cap on backwards and threw on the jean jacket, dashing back into the classroom.

This is either going to go really amazing, I thought, or really badly. Gotta take risks…

“Hello! I am (my rap name)! What up what up.”

Some students laughed, others rolled their eyes as I passed out the music lyrics to my alter ego’s first hit single, “PEMDAS,” based on the song “Whip Nae Nae.”

“You probably have heard of me… I am a famous rapper, and I am so excited to perform my new hit single for you.”

I started playing the karaoke “Whip Nae Nae.”

“Watch me PEM—(pem), watch me PEMDAS. Watch me PEM—(pem), watch me PEMDAS. Watch me PEM—(pem), watch me PEMDAS. First you do parentheses, then exponents. Then you multiply, then you divide…”

I started to relax more as students laughed and started dancing in their seats.

“Who wants to come up to the front and try it?” I asked.

Two students quickly raised their hands.

“Come on up!”

They joined me:

“Watch me PEM—(pem), watch me PEMDAS. Watch me PEM—(pem), watch me PEMDAS.”

It was not the future I had imagined for myself when I was eleven. I was still disappointed that I had not been able to pursue serving God overseas. But slowly, I began to see that God's plan for my life was better than my own. He was still calling me to serve Him, just in my own country.

Maybe teaching math was not too bad after all.

*

God taught me so much during my first years after college graduation. He taught me that He is our provider. Never once did I lack in these years, not for housing, church, relationships, money, or any of the many things I needed to teach math. He provided for it all, and I grew in my faith and love for the Lord. I also had so many opportunities to share the gospel with students at my school and with those in my neighborhood where I lived. This truly was a great season of drawing closer to the Lord and seeking Him.

I learned that my Dad’s refrain of “When God says no, it is because He has something better in mind. ”  was right. I never would have guessed God would call me to teach high school math instead of serve Him as a missionary overseas. But it has been very good. I have loved it. As John 10:10, Jesus came “to bring us life and life to the full”.

My Dad also encouraged me to consider what my “desire” was behind the “desire”. I wanted to serve God overseas – why? What was the underlying desire? The desire underneath that was just to serve and love others: and I can do that in many other locations too.

My Mom also helped me let go of the need to serve God in a specific “location”. There is great opportunity everywhere, and only God knows best in terms of where to guide His children. She reminded me that while God delights to use us, His kingdom does not depend upon any one of us. I could trust Him with a closed door, even when another place seemed more “needy.”

My calling was no longer about my location. It was a joy and opportunity to serve God wherever. As Mother Teresa said, “Stay where you are. Find your own Calcutta. Find the sick, the suffering, and the lonely right where you are — in your own homes and in your own families, in your workplaces and in your schools. You can find Calcutta all over the world, if you have the eyes to see.”

I did not need to go overseas to find my “Calcutta”, serve God, and be part of His kingdom work. The important thing was not location. It was about being willing to serve God wherever. I needed to obey and trust God whatever He has for me. Contentment and fulfillment are not found in serving God in a specific place. Contentment and fulfillment are found in God alone, and I can rejoice wherever He has opened up opportunities to serve.

 Further, “missionary work” no longer needed to define me. God defined me, not the work I was doing for Him. I could serve Him in multiple capacities without that ever being my identity. My identity, whatever I am doing for God, remains this: I am God’s daughter, and God loves me. There is no “more meaningful” work that I am missing out on.

God is my “one thing”, not a specific type of work. I realized that even serving God can become something I place above God. Even something I feel called to can be an idol. I was not longing for something obviously selfish; I wanted to serve God. But even serving God could not become more important to me than God Himself. My calling was not my identity. Being a missionary was not my identity.  Being a teacher was not my identity. I am God's daughter. God alone fulfills, satisfies, and gives us our true identity. 

And this realization led me to increased peace, joy, and freedom in God.

Thank You God for freeing me to serve you wherever You lead! I can trust You.

May Your Kingdom come.

Amen.